


all you seem to find (with love in mind)

by redhoodsrobin (manatsuko)



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 20:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12943320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manatsuko/pseuds/redhoodsrobin
Summary: After all this time, it can still seem like a dream. Though perhaps 'surreal' is a better word.(alternatively: this is just a self-indulgent ficlet)





	all you seem to find (with love in mind)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [ 4AM - City Of Love](https://youtu.be/U_d_EJT7KAU)

 

After all this time, it can still seem like a dream. Though perhaps 'surreal' is a better word. Whatever he calls it matters little in the end. He doesn't linger on it for long, afraid that if he tries to bring things into focus, to make everything _make sense_ , he'll be waking up alone again.

He wonders if it will last another week, a month, a year. _Forever_ is a concept that's too big to think about, so they count their relationship in smaller units of time and avoid the promise of more.

It's been six days since their last fight. Four since they made up. It's been seven hours since he had his legs wrapped around Jason's waist and held on for dear life. Approximately five minutes since he woke up with an elbow in his face before he managed to coax Jason's limbs back in a more manageable position. He's been looking at him for about a minute now. Just... Looking.

The rational parts of his mind like to whisper that he's not supposed to experience these soft moments of Jason's, nor the sleepy kisses and rare peals of laughter. There should be too much bad blood between them to ever overcome, an insurmountable mess of tangled loyalties and conflicting morality.

But rationality is fighting a losing battle here.

And so he marvels at the fact that he's allowed to drag his lips down Jason's clavicle, down his ribs, nails catching on lines of scar tissue new and old alike. He's never greeted with protests when he inches closer in the dead of night, trying to chase away his demons for however long he can. Above all, he's allowed to _stay_.

Not always though. Never _always_.

Carefully, he nudges Jason's chin up with his nose, opening up a space to slot himself into. Jason continues sleeping. From here, Dick can feel the steady pulse of his heartbeat.

He breathes in deeply, and sighs.

The only thing more surprising than what Jason allows him to do, is what Dick himself _wants_ to do. There's no logical reason why he yearns to trace the outline of Jason's jaw with fingers and lips and _teeth_. No reason as to why burrowing himself deeper into the blankets of Jason's bed feels so soothing. The mattress is, frankly speaking, crap. No living soul would call it comfortable - But oh, when he'd voiced that exact sentiment to Jason once, he'd _laughed_ , and his face had broken out into the most brilliant shit-eating grin as he pushed Dick back down. He'd mouthed words into Dick's skin like they held something too precious to say out loud. It felt gentle, and raw, and-

 _Warm_ , is the thought Dick keeps getting stuck on.

_No matter what, being with Jason is always warm._

It's an apt description. Warmth isn't something people would consider inherently good or bad, but it definitely has the potential to be both.

It all comes down to context. 

Dick enjoys the slow, lazy glow of Sunday mornings spent on the couch, one or both of them exhausted from patrol. The exchange of kisses in the early light of dawn, blind to the world outside.

He loathes the burn of venom dripping from their words when they fight. The spread of heat over his cheeks when the anger grows too much, too fast.

And so it goes.

Their relationship plays out in dualities, a push-and-pull of what each of them wants and what they think the other needs. Most days, Dick wants to keep Jason close, to leap off buildings together and never have to worry _this_ will be the time one of them might fail the landing. He wants to show him he cares, he cares so much, and he wants Jason to truly _understand_ what that means. He wants to punch him in the face for being too stubborn, wrap his hands around his throat and squeeze until he's subdued enough to listen to reason.

He's not sure how he became this caught up with the other man, always waiting for the tides to shift from good to bad and back again. Maybe it was something inevitable. Maybe not. It has become hard to imagine a world where he doesn't get to have this, frustration and all included. He's not sure he wants to.

He's starting to think _forever_ feels an awful lot like this.

And he really doesn't mind.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was having a pretty rough day so I wrote this in an attempt to cheer myself up (because writing about others being happy helps me be happy again too), but I hope some of you liked reading it as well! 
> 
> If you've read the first JayDick fic I wrote, you might sense a recurring theme here (;´∀｀)
> 
> My Tumblr (DC/Marvel sideblog): [ [redhoodsrobin] ](https://redhoodsrobin.tumblr.com)  
> My Twitter: [ [evexe_n] ](https://twitter.com/evexe_n)


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